The Secret World of Ben Chiltern
by Tanith Panic
Summary: Ben Chiltern is a compulsive dreamer. In love with his Higher Executive Officer, Dylan, terrified of his Exective Officer Connie, can Ben ever find happiness at Jordan Marketing?
1. Chapter 1

The Secret World of Benjamin Chiltern

(Yes, another AU and as usual featuring Lofty, but hopefully there'll be other characters that other readers might enjoy. I tend to write AU's because I don't know much about the medical profession, but I certainly do know about office politics.)

Ben Chiltern sighed as he checked his reflection in the mirror. He was clean, hair and teeth brushed to perfection, and had managed to co-ordinate his clothes. Putting on the horn-rimmed spectacles that he wished weren't necessary, he gave himself one last critical look. He'd pass… if only he weren't ten minutes late for the bus to Jordan's. Ben prayed for the bus to be late as he locked the door, then ran in a manner that would have made an Olympic athlete proud.

Only to see the bus pulling away from the stop already. Ben sprinted after it but the driver gave him the finger and drove on.

The trouble with Ben was that he was a dreamer. He loved to imagine himself in different situations. Every one of them featuring the object of his affections; Dylan Keogh, his Higher Executive Officer. He also liked making up stories about everybody he saw – take that young girl, her anorak pulled up against the wind and rain, her face so serious. She had reason to be; she was secretly Princess Lorette from a mid-European country. Her life had been threatened by her evil Uncle and she was hiding in the UK as a humble… er… Big Issue Seller! That was it. And that old lady shuffling along with her trolley, she was a white witch and could grant wishes… Ben suddenly realised that the second bus had not only arrived but had gone without him.

"You're late, Ben Chiltern" snapped his Executive Officer, Connie Beauchamp, who looked like a model and acted like a mean and bitter woman.

"We have a flexi system in force here, Connie, and Ben's within core time."

That was Dylan Keogh speaking. Connie blushed and glared at Ben. She'd take it out on Chiltern's hide later. Or at least his self- confidence.

Max, his colleague at Jordan's, shot Ben a look of sympathy, which Ben returned by way of a weak grin.

"You're on the call centre this afternoon, Ben. Working till six."

Ben sighed; he'd been hoping to get an early start from work so he could go to the library to borrow some more books on his favourite subject – fantasy art. Ben was good at drawing, though he would have said that his talent was just average.

"Six okay for you, Ben? You're not on the late rota" Dylan pointed out, looking at Connie.

"He might not be, but Jamie's off sick and somebody has to step in. And seeing as Ben's just condescended to come in, I really feel…"

"It's fine, honestly." Ben didn't want Dylan to have to put up with Connie's arguments.

He couldn't deny the feeling that went through him when Dylan spoke up for him, however. That was to be short-lived as Dylan went into his office, leaving Connie once more in charge.

"Ben, coffees, now. I want a black coffee and Mr Keogh will have milk and sugar."

Ben knew it was useless to argue that he wasn't the tea boy and everybody took it in turns.

We need a revolution in this place, he thought.

He was back in France during the revolution, and he had to guard the cell of doomed aristocrat, Dillane Le Roux, who was to be guillotined in the morning.

"Can I bring you anything? A final drink, maybe? A meal?"

"Ah, you are very kind to me, mon ami, but I need nothing. I am not afraid to die."

Ben looked across to where Constance La Haine, the most feared revolutionary since Robespierre, glared at him.

"I wish you didn't have to die!" Ben said fervently, knowing if La Haine had overheard him, he would be marked as a traitor. But she just sat reading documents and signing them with a stroke that suggested she was signing death-warrants.

"You mean this?" Le Roux whispered.

Ben nodded.

Le Roux whispered:

"Then tonight, when you bring my meal, slip the key to me. I shall do the rest. Then we shall leave France together, mon petit choux."

Ben nodded almost imperceptibly.

And said loudly for good measure:

"I cannot wait for tomorrow, when you will be beheaded, you ginger-headed scum."

"Strawberry blond scumb, dumb peasant" replied Le Roux.

But his eyes told a different story.

That evening, Ben all but threw the meal at Le Roux, knowing La Haine's eyes were on them both.

He mouthed:

"Under the bread."

Le Roux smiled as if he understood.

"When the Aristocrats are in power you will be tortured to death for your part in my execution" he said aloud.

His eyes promised Ben everything.

After midnight had struck, Ben waited by the cell.

"The scumbag prisoner wants fresh air. I shall take him out for a walk… past La Guillotine to show him what he will get tomorrow."

La Haine nodded tersely.

As they reached the door of the prison, a man on a large black horse said:

"Password?"

Le Roux smiled.

"La Ronde."

"Climb aboard, mon ami."

Le Roux grinned and jumped into the saddle. He looked down at Ben.

"Sorry, mon petit. Only room for one and I am a survivor. I hope it does not hurt too much when the mob behead you."

Then the horse was gone, leaving Ben's future in tatters.

And La Haine behind him with the barrel of a gun pressed into his neck.

Ben knelt and placed his head in the slot in the guillotine.

"I know I don't deserve to live" he began.

"Ben, for goodness sake, you only spilled coffee on my desk, don't be so nervous."

Ben was in the real world and Dylan Keogh was looking at him with, what? Pity?

Constance Beauchamp was looking at Ben as if she wanted to pass him his P45 on the spot.

I'm such a loser, even my daydreams end badly", he thought, sighing as he thought of the long wait till six o' clock and freedom.

(


	2. Chapter 2

Secret World Two

A/N Thanks to my lovely reviewers. Just the usual disclaimer that I don't own Casualty. I have, however, worked on a call centre!

Next morning things seemed much better. Ben was ready for the bus and arrived much earlier than the previous day.

Dylan and Connie had their heads together over some paperwork when he came in, but Dylan looked up.

"Don't forget you did your late night last night, Ben. Let somebody else stay for a change."

"I need to see him in my office" Connie replied. Ben wondered what he'd done wrong this time.

He followed Connie into her office, which, apart from a potted plant and photograph, was uncluttered. The photograph was of Connie's little boy, Kevin, who had come into work once when Connie couldn't get childcare, and was the antithesis of his mum. Kevin had been more than friendly, and had stood by everybody's desk politely asking what their name was and what they did. Everybody assumed Kevin took after his father.

Ben stood up, too well-mannered and afraid of Connie to sit.

"I'm not asking you to sit, Ben, this will only take a few moments."

Ben could feel his heart thumping; he felt uneasy.

"You've got the award for 'Most Helpful Team Member' this month. You'll be getting a bonus in your November payslip. That's all."

Connie delivered the sentence as if she was telling Ben he was fired, and didn't even say 'well done' to him as most EO's would have. However, Connie's venom couldn't quench Ben's enthusiasm. He loved going all-out to do as much as he could for the customer even if it meant he didn't get away till at least fifteen minutes later than planned.

"Well done, Ben!" Dylan said as he came out of the Dragon's office again.

"Thanks!"

"Anything special you'll be spending that bonus on?"

Ben, delighted by Dylan's words, just smiled and said:

"You'll see when pay day comes round!"

"Oh for goodness sake don't get Botox, Ben, you don't need it."

Ben grinned. Then the smile froze on his face. Dylan had a bruise on his neck that was visible above his shirt collar. It looked pretty vicious.

He said quickly:

"Better be getting back to my desk" and, shooting a nervous smile in Dylan's direction, took his seat.

"Oh my God" Connie said snidely, coming out of her office, "Look what's waddled in from upstairs."

Ben prayed Robyn Miller, who had just walked in, hadn't heard the comment. True, Robyn was plump, but to those who took the time to look closer, she was also pretty. However, wearing her hair pulled back severely did her no favours at all, nor did the drab grey and black clothes she chose to wear. Her personality maybe didn't help her, she was shy the entire time, blushing like a beetroot if Max, or even worse, the Handsome Brothers, spoke to her.

The Handsome Brothers, Cal and Ethan, had been nicknamed thus because they were the opposite of The Ugly Sisters. One of both of them would come down from Information Technology, having received a call for help from one of the team members who had either forgotten a password or couldn't get their computer to work properly. Several ladies on the team would pretend to be clueless about how to restart a sulky computer or how to retrieve their password. Instead of being annoyed at having their time wasted, Cal and Ethan wallowed in the admiration.

"Um… does anybody want to buy any tickets for the Christmas Party?"

"Got ours, sweetie" The Handsome Ones shouted over their shoulders.

"Max?"

Max shook his head.

"Not sure if I'm going."

What Max meant was that he wasn't sure if Zoe Hannah, the line manager for the team in the far end of the huge open-plan office, was going out with anybody. If she was free, Max would be on it like an Easter bonnet, if not he'd drown his sorrows in several pubs over several weeks.

"Connie?"

"I have my ticket; I'm Mr Jordan's guest this year." Connie preened. Handsome Nick Jordan, the Managing Director, was a handsome, witty man who all the ladies at Jordan's had had a crush on at one time.

"Oh." Robyn wasn't sure what to say.

"I suppose you've been snapped up already by a partner, Robyn?" Connie added spitefully. Poor Robyn blushed like a beetroot and shook her head.

Ben's heart swelled with sympathy for her, and before he could stop himself, blurted out with a smile on his face:

"I'm glad about that, Robyn… I was meaning to ask if you'd go with me?"

"Oh yes please Ben!"

Max gave them the thumbs-up, Connie muttered something about two losers together.

What am I doing, Ben thought, I'm gay, I'm in love with Dylan…

But the joy and relief in Robyn's eyes were worth it. Even when Dylan looked over curiously.

Ben realised that if Dylan had had any feelings for him at all, this would cause him to back off now. He'd just ruined his own future.

He forced a smile back to his face.

"Lovely! Two tickets, please!"

He wished he could wave a magic wand like Harry Potter and turn back time…

He was suddenly at Toadwarts Academy, a shy new teacher starting that day. He could see the class thug, Louis, sniggering behind his hand. Louis despised all mudbloods, wizards with mixed parentage, and Ben was just that.

Ben's voice came out squeakier than intended.

"Good morning, Class, I am your new Master of the Art of Self-Defence, Mr Chiltern."

"Hiya, Chillo" sneered Louis.

"Mr Chiltern to you" Ben snapped. He tried not to look at Louis again as he continued:

"You've learned about transformation from Madame Dixon, so now we're going to use transformation as self-defence, transforming the enemy to a harmless creature. Okay, who'd like to help me demonstrate this?"

Louis swaggered forward. Not a good omen.

"Right, the two words you'll need here, Louis, are 'transmogriphy' and then 'constrictus'. You'll see why I've got this jar ready…"

"So I can change the enemy to something small and then make the jar slam shut. I don't need the jar; I've got a better idea."

"You should really do as I ask, Louis."

Louis's look of contempt was already making some of his cronies snigger.

"Just do the transmogriphy bit, then, okay?"

Louis grinned, and suddenly whipped out his wand, pointing it at Ben.

"Tramsmogriphy!"

Ben became a small insect.

"I've always wanted to do this to a mudblood" Louis sniggered, and before the others could have their wands out to defend Ben, Louis slammed down his boot on the new teacher…

"Please don't crush me!"

Dylan looked in amazement at Ben.

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings there, Ben, just telling you that one of your letters needs amending, okay? Bring it back when you've done it."

He wasn't about to be squished by a giant boot.

He was safely back at Jordan's… and feeling like the team loser all over again.

(


	3. Chapter 3

Secret World Three

Ben did his best to stop daydreaming over the next few days, which wasn't hard because the company became busier towards Christmas. And as things became busier, Connie became more venomous. Ben did wonder why; he knew she was divorced and, being Ben, saw her as the victim which accounted for her hard shell.

November payslips were issued, and Ben smiled when he saw the amount for his bonus. Better than he'd expected. The next day he announced that he would be taking some flexi and leaving early.

"Why should I be remotely interested? As long as the call centre's manned" Connie snapped.

"You have to say 'personned', not 'manned, Connie" Cal, Handsome Brother One, pointed out teasingly. Connie giggled girlishly, little knowing that Cal and Ethan would be imitating her back at home that night. They had no love for the mean-spirited line manager but Cal had wanted to try his 'politically correct' joke on somebody.

Ben left early, kept his appointment as planned, and was a changed man when he came into work the next day.

"Wow, Ben! You look so much nicer without those geeky glasses-" Alicia put her hand over her mouth in embarrassment but Ben just grinned at her. He knew she'd meant it as a compliment.

"Contacts, Ben? Great idea, they really suit you."

Ben's heart warmed up at least ten degrees more as Dylan nodded approvingly as he walked over to his open-plan office, where he was working on sales figures.

"Chiltern with contacts. Great. We'll all be down on our hands and knees every time he drops one" was Connie's reply.

"Oh for goodness sake, Connie, give him a break, will you?"

Max waited for the heavens to open.

Zoe Hannah was coming past and couldn't help herself. She was tired of Connie's sniping at somebody who, as far as Zoe could see, was harmless. She gave Max the thumbs-up sign as she walked by. Max decided he'd go for it.

"Um… Ms Hannah, are you going to the Christmas Ball with anybody?"

The few seconds Max had to wait for a reply seemed like an eternity. Of course she'd have somebody lined up. How could he imagine…

"Are you asking me, Max? I'd love to go with you. Let's discuss it in the pub at lunchtime, shall we? One o' clock suit you?"

Ben and Max looked at each other in sheer delight. Ben loved other people's good news.

"Can we get on with some work here please?" Connie hissed, "And, Max, just remember who you're talking to or it's a verbal warning next time."

Dylan looked as if he'd like to interfere, but had to give in to rules. It wasn't appropriate to speak to a team leader like that.

Ben thought he'd found a nice quiet spot. He sat in the deserted office, pencil in hand, drawing an Intergalactic Warlord who looked just like Dylan. He was just adding a few touches here and there when the fire alarm sounded.

"Where the hell have you been, Ben? Last on the list as usual" Connie accused.

"Were you on lunch, Ben?"

"Um, yes, Mr Keogh, sorry, Dylan, just doing a bit of sketching in a spare office."

"Did you check that it was spare?" Connie glared at him.

Dylan raised his arm, as if to cut her off.

"It's okay, Ben, you can use any office you see that's spare on this floor as long as it's part of your lunch break. If you're not meant to be there, we'll soon throw you out!"

Ben grinned back. And it happened again. He noticed that Dylan had another bruise, this time a large one on his arm.

Dylan didn't seem the clumsy type like he himself was. Ben worried for Dylan. Domestic violence could happen to executives, not just the poorer members of society. On a more selfish note, domestic violence meant that Dylan must have a partner.

Ben came in to work early yet again the next morning, and saw a group of people standing round a notice board, giggling.

"Somebody fancies our Mr Keogh as an Avenger!"

No, Ben thought in horror. In his hurry to join his team after the fire alarm had sounded, he'd just grabbed the pencil and forgotten the paper. Now the Handsome Brothers, always up for a prank, had put it on the notice board.

He turned away to see Dylan looking at him quizzically.

"So you draw, Ben?"

Ben nodded, shame-faced.

"Hey, can you do us all? I'd pay good money to see Ethan as a warrior!" Cal was asking, perfectly seriously.

Ben realised that Cal was throwing him a lifeline, probably without knowing it.

"Of course! Give me your orders now, I'll draw you all."

"Orders?" Connie's voice was sharp, "Trading on company premises is illegal."

"He meant metaphorically, didn't you, Ben?" Dylan replied.

Ben smiled in relief. Trust Dylan to get the word he'd been floundering for.

"Course I did! I'm happy to do them for free."

"Can you do Cal as Snow White?" asked Ethan who was in a feisty mood that day.

The next day, however, when Ben looked at the notice board the drawing had been removed. Was it because it had offended Dylan?

He wondered if he could ask subtly about that. Alas, he wasn't to find out that day.

"Anybody seen Dylan around?" he asked casually.

"Mr Keogh isn't very well. So if you're planning to go whining to him behind my back, you can think again."

Not very well. And there was that bruise Ben had seen the day before. Supposing….?

"Well at least make an effort to earn your living today" Connie snapped, adding:

"I need you to stay late as well, we're short-staffed."

That was the first time the stomach cramps began. Ben couldn't face lunch, and could only sip water. He didn't even feel up to drawing. But the last thing he could do was ask to go home early. It might give the others ideas about how he felt about Dylan, and would have Connie on his case even more.

By the time he went home, all he wanted to do was have a shower and go to bed. Not that he managed to sleep at all.

Next day, the pain in Ben's gut had disappeared. The one in his heart was still stabbing away.

(


	4. Chapter 4

Secret World Four

The next day Ben dragged himself to work, despite feeling drained. To his intense relief Dylan was in his office again, although Ben felt uneasy when he saw Dylan rubbing his shoulder and then rotating his head slowly.

It was an uneventful day apart from Robyn coming round to collect for a fibre-optic Christmas tree for reception.

She had restyled her hair and it was now braided on top of her head instead of in the severe bun.

"You look nice" Ben told her.

"And so do you. You've got lovely eyes, did you know?" Robyn replied.

Ben was genuinely pleased by the compliment and beamed as he put in his money.

"It's a waste of money; who's going to see that apart from Big Mac?" grizzled Connie.

Big Mac was the beloved Security Officer who worked on reception.

"We will when we come in. It'll feel just like Christmas" Robyn replied.

Alicia nodded enthusiastically; she loved all things Christmas. She was already planning her Christmas earrings and T shirt for the Dress Down day on the 23rd December.

"Hi there gorgeous, what are you collecting for this time?" Ethan had just come down to fix Lily Chao's password. Lily was great at her job but a total techno Muppet by her own admission. At least that was what she'd maintained. Most of the staff knew that Lily would invent any pretext to get one of the Handsome Brothers to come and stand by her desk for a while.

"A Christmas tree for reception."

"Nice! Can you arrange it for our Cal to be hanged from the top? He took all the hot water this morning."

"Maybe he just likes to look good."

"That reminds me" Connie's sharp voice commanded the floor again, "Mr Jordan's coming round tomorrow. Alicia, you'll need to wash that pink out of your hair and I want everybody to dress appropriately."

Both Robyn and Alicia's faces dropped.

"Ben Chiltern, try to look less half-doped than you do today."

Dylan came out of his office.

"Oh, Connie, I just had a chat with Mr Jordan. He wants everybody to be themselves tomorrow. And it's Friday, which means dress down. Pink hair's fine."

He looked critically at Ben.

"Well I wouldn't call you half-doped, Ben, but you look tired. No health problems?"

"I felt a bit off yesterday but I'm a lot better now thanks."

"Good. Right, Robyn, what's the collection for this time?"

The next day arrived; Mr Jordan walked round the firm speaking to everybody and struck fear into the hearts of the Handsome Brothers when he suggested they helped with the backlog of filing between I.T. emergencies.

Ben's nerves were on edge, even though Mr Jordan was pleasant enough, it wasn't him Ben was afraid of annoying.

"Ben, go and get a coffee for Mr Keogh, Mr Jordan and myself. Don't forget mine's black, Mr Keogh's is white and Mr Jordan has decaf."

"Oh, you have a coffee rota?" Mr Jordan said smoothly.

"Um-no, I just thought Ben could make himself useful."

"He seems to be doing that, according to that spreadsheet he has in front of him. Well, he can fetch them this time but a proper rota's a much better idea. It could even be printed; give our two friends upstairs something to do."

Ben smiled as he walked off. Life would be much easier if he was invisible…

And, in his daydream, he suddenly was. He'd walked into a strange old shop and bought a fancy cloak for the Christmas fancy dress, that was it. And it had turned out to have invisibility powers.

In his fantasy he went upstairs and fiddled discreetly with all the computers to give the Handsome Brothers plenty of work to do to save them from the filing. He did wonder whether to get his own back by looking up Connie's skirt while she couldn't see him, but that wasn't much fun for a gay guy and looking up trouser legs didn't work like that. He ruffled pretty Rita Freeman's hair, making her jump and giggle, which didn't do much for Iain Dean's heart rate. Iain and Rita were an item and loving it.

Then he decided to be totally selfish for once. He went over to the bank, and sneaked to the front of the queue. As he looked round, he saw Dylan entering and joining the line.

Suddenly there was the moment that every bank customer dreads:

"Okay everybody down on the floor, don't make a sound. This is a hold-up. Hand over the money and nobody gets hurt." The first thug waved the gun around threateningly.

"We could do with hostages" thug number two snapped. Then he said to the shaking bank clerk:

"Okay, sweetie, hand it over nice and fast. Or we'll start killing people."

"Leave her alone!" Dylan shouted. It was Ben's fantasy so Dylan was extra heroic.

"Right, we need to show everybody we mean business and because you opened your big mouth, you're first."

He fired point-blank at Dylan.

Without thinking, Ben threw himself in front of Dylan. Which meant that Dylan was unharmed and the thug dropped the gun in shock. It was scooped up by the bank security officer, who aimed it at thug number one. There was a 'Mexican Standoff' for a few seconds and then Thug one dropped his weapon and the threat was over.

Not, however, to Ben who had realised from the searing pain in his gut that invisible didn't mean invincible.

"I did it for you… can you get that cloak off me…" he murmured.

"Is that you dying in my lap, Ben?" Dylan asked, removing the cloak and seeing Ben with an ugly gut wound.

(A/N: That line from Dylan was so bad I just had to leave it in!)

"NO, Ben, you'll be fine, the ambulance is on its way…"

Ben knew it was too late.

"It's all over" he whispered.

"You're damn right, Ben! Coffee all over the floor! And in front of Mr Jordan too!"

Connie was fuming. Ben was alive, unscathed, back in the real world and in disgrace again.

"It's not the end of the world, Connie. But does this happen a lot, Ben?" asked Mr Jordan.

I'm fired, thought Ben.

"Yes it does" Connie butted in rudely, "He's so clumsy…"

Mr Jordan held up his hand.

"It might not be clumsiness, Connie, if it happens a lot. It might be a condition called Dyspraxia. Ben, I'd like to book an appointment for you with the firm's doctor. See if there's treatment that can help you. How does that sound?"

Waves of relief flooded over Ben.

"I'd be very grateful, Mr Jordan."

"You're welcome. Too late before Christmas, unfortunately, but I'll get that appointment made for the New Year. Somebody else can make the coffees till then. Now, back you go to your spreadsheet and I'll see you at the Christmas Ball, okay?"

Things were definitely looking up, thought Ben, then he caught Dylan's expression. Dylan was smiling broadly… or laughing at him.

Ben really couldn't decide which it was.

Meanwhile, a seething Connie vowed to make Ben's working life a misery up to and beyond Christmas.

(


	5. Chapter 5

Secret World Five

Connie kept her vow to make Ben's life a misery and the fact that Dylan took more sick leave made it even easier for her. Despite Mr Jordan's suggestion for a coffee rota, and the one that the Handsome Brothers should do some filing between I.T. tasks, Ben was still allocated those tasks. He couldn't stop worrying about Dylan either.

"Should we have a collection for Dylan? He's been off sick for over a week now" he said one break.

"Leave it mate, Connie would just laugh in your face. Besides, it's not like he's in hospital, is it?" Max soon put Ben straight on that one. Max had been quite short-tempered lately; his relationship with Zoe was quite volatile. One minute they were smiling at each other over a coffee, the next they barged past each other on their way to work.

To Ben's great relief Dylan was back in the office just before the Christmas Ball.

"Will you be going?" Ben asked.

"I'm not a great fan of dancing and I can eat just as comfortably in my own home. But I'll be there, yes."

Dylan hadn't mentioned a partner and Ben wasn't going to destroy the shred of hope that he clung to on that issue, so he never asked.

Two days before the Ball, Ben's cramps came back with a vengeance. He hardly ate for those two days, and just wanted to get home and lie down. There were no appointments free at his local medical centre for at least a week.

Normally Ben would have been creased laughing at the number of girls who were discreetly going to Cal or Ethan and asking if they could fit their computers with that brilliant Christmas screensaver that they'd seen on the brothers' computers. But then he himself was receiving so many requests too and to be honest, some very nice feedback. Ethan loved his drawing of Cal as Snow White, singing 'Some Day my Prince Will Come' with his hands pressed passionately over his heart. Cal found his revenge in the drawing of Ethan as a Dalek superimposed with Ethan's face where the dials should have been. Alicia fixed her picture of herself as Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones over her computer screen. Max and Zoe couldn't make up their minds whether they wanted a drawing of each other entwined passionately in a boat on a dark river, or hacking at each other with swords on a bare mountainside. He completed the requests efficiently, despite his physical pain, as it was a way to fill his lunch break.

"Don't forget" Connie said on the evening of the ball, "Going off sick tomorrow is just another way of giving in your notice."

Dylan overheard and reluctantly confirmed that the 24th was a 'Penalty Day' which meant any sick leave would be unpaid.

Ben was in pain. He had an hour to get ready for the Ball and just wanted to curl up in bed with a heated wheat bag on his gut.

He dialled Robyn's number.

"Robyn? About the Ball…"

"Oh Ben, there's nothing wrong, is there, because I've been looking forward to going all day!"

"No" said soft-hearted Ben, "Just confirming I'll be there to pick you up in a cab at eight, okay?"

He'd just have to go through with it.

Robyn looked lovely. Even feeling as ill as he did, Ben was impressed. Her hair was loose with a little silver band across the crown, and the red glittery dress she wore had been designed to minimise her ample curves rather than accentuate them.

"Wow, you look gorgeous!"

"You look good yourself, Ben, but you're a bit pale. Sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Shall we go?"

The ballroom of the Century Hotel had been decorated with blue and silver festive designs. Connie looked gorgeous in a black and silver close-fitting dress and even cracked a smile now and then. Mr Jordan looked immaculate and was greeting everybody, no matter what their grade was, as a long-lost friend. Big Mac came in wearing the only suit he owned. Max and Zoe, their latest squabble forgotten, walked in arm-in-arm, Max in white with a deep blue shirt, and Zoe in silver The Handsome Brothers had pushed the boat out and wore black velvet suits with bow ties. Smiling over at Robyn continually so she didn't feel ignored, Ben scanned the room for Dylan. And saw him. Looking as smart and handsome as ever… and with another man. The pain in Ben's heart matched his gut.

"Ben?"

"Okay, Robyn?"

Robyn took a deep breath.

"I need to talk to you. Alone."

Ben nodded. Whatever she wanted, he would keep his temper, grit his teeth against the pain and be nice to her.

They found a little recess and went to sit there.

"Ben, I'm so grateful to you for asking me to the Ball, and for being so nice to me at work all the time. It's made what I have to do tonight a lot easier."

"Okay." What was this, he wondered.

"Ben – me and Alicia, we're an item. I've been wanting to find the courage to come out but Connie always made me feel horrible because of my weight. Then you were so sweet and asked me to come here with you. I feel really mean, leading you on."

A weight fell from Ben's shoulders. Not enough to ease the nagging pain but considerable.

"A little confession. I'm gay too. I really asked you as a mate because you're such good company."

Robyn laughed aloud.

"This couldn't be better. And who's the lucky man?"

Ben's face fell.

"He's taken" he said quietly.

"So" he said, pulling himself together, "If you're ready to make your announcement or your statement, I'm right beside you. Okay?"

The statement was made subtly but clearly when Ben came back into the ballroom with Alicia on one arm, and Robyn on the other. He bowed politely to each one, then cleverly – for somebody reputedly clumsy – joined both their hands as he walked away from them a little, smiling. There was a small round of applause. Dylan looked at Ben and nodded his approval. It would have meant everything at one time. Now it didn't matter.

It mattered even less when Ben walked past another recess and heard Dylan's voice and a snippet of conversation:

"… Ben's not big on brains…."

He heard Connie's sarcastic laugh, and wanted to hear no more. After taking a little time to find Robyn and Alicia, and say goodnight to them, he walked towards the taxi rank, hurting all over. Heart, stomach, every muscle.

He needed to keep working till the New Year. After that he'd give in his notice and take his chances at the Jobcentre.

(


	6. Chapter 6

Secret World Six

The pain was making him grit his teeth as Ben reached the taxi rank. Max and Zoe were near the front, obviously in love-up mode, as were Alicia and Robyn. Both couples obviously had better things to do than to dance and sample the buffet. Then he heard a voice:

"Dylan, you need to do what I tell you or you'll keep getting hurt. Never mind the current distraction, just…"

Ben more or less ran over to where the man was snapping at Dylan. Normally a pacifist, Ben forgot his principles and grabbed the man by the shoulder. With a reflex action, the man turned round and punched Ben in his throbbing gut. Ben all but collapsed. The look of contempt on Dylan's face said it all.

"Ben, you stupid b*gger, this is my brother! He's teaching me self-defence, not beating seven bells out of me! Now do you understand?"

The relief Ben should have felt at knowing this was Dylan's brother – he could see the resemblance now – was swallowed by his feelings of betrayal. The conversation he'd overheard less than half an hour ago still burned in his mind.

"Well it's easy to see why I didn't get it… I'm not big on brains, am I?"

Dylan looked guilty.

"You all right, mate?" said Dermot Keogh, genuinely upset at what he'd done to Ben.

"I'll live." Although right now it didn't feel like it.

"Ben, come with us in our taxi."

"I don't think that's a good idea" Ben sighed, and went to the back of the taxi rank to wait his turn. Dylan shrugged.

The Handsome Brothers came swaggering by, Lily Chao on Ethan's arm, and the pretty secretary Louise Tyler on Cal's.

"Mate, mind if we jump the queue? We've – um – urgent business to see to" Cal sniggered. Louise thumped him but was still smiling.

"Go ahead" Ben said, leaning against the wall for support.

Cal quipped:

"All these hot dates rushing home, I bet there'll only be Nicky Jordan and Dragon Lady on the dance floor now."

Hot dates and a loser, thought Ben.

After what seemed like an eternity, the next taxi was his. He paid the driver, adding a generous tip – Ben never took his misery out on strangers – and forced himself to undress and curl up round his wheat bag. He was dreading work the next day.

Alicia and Robyn came in arm-in arm, giggling, the next day. They looked uneasily at Connie but thanks to their announcement she had a new weapon to use against Ben, so she just smiled a little frostily.

"Congratulations, girls. Funny, that, though, how the first girl Chiltern asks out comes out of the closet in one evening!"

Robyn was upset at this, Ben had been so kind. She shot him a nervous glance, but he just smiled back at her through a haze of pain.

"Right, Christmas Eve or not, we need a late rota on the Call Centre. Ben can oblige us, I'm sure."

Dylan came over.

"Connie, it might help to read the rules now and then" he scoffed, "Call centre closes at 1pm. Everybody goes home at 1pm, it's Christmas Eve. The buses and trams finish early and it's our responsibility to make sure everybody gets home safely, especially with that forecast for snow from 4pm."

Connie didn't give a damn about Christmas Eve, it was all for the kids now anyway and she'd chill out when she got home to Kevin. All she knew was that it was because of Ben Chiltern that Nick Jordan, instead of congratulating her about the tight ship she ran, had given her an oblique warning about workplace bullying. He'd been positively frosty with her when he'd walked her to her door the previous evening.

Dylan looked harder at Ben.

"Ben, you look ill. Really ill."

"He knows he'll only get paid if he comes in. And it's not our fault if he was guzzling the free booze and stuffing himself at the buffet, is it?"

"That's unfair" Dylan protested, "As far as I could see Ben was neither in the bar nor at the buffet last night."

Ben wondered if Dylan had actually been looking for him. No, he corrected himself. Dylan thought he was an idiot.

"I'm okay" he said quietly.

"Hmm. Well if you feel worse, come and find one of us and ask to be driven home. The Penalty Day rules don't apply to a severe illness."

Ben tried to carry on, although Zoe and Max's bickering made him want to yell at them to shut up and get their act together, and when Cal good-naturedly clapped him on the shoulder he wanted to yelp in pain.

He suddenly saw Dylan leaving his office, coat on.

"Emergency call from our Dermot. He's out of wine for his party tonight and can't get away from the office. I'm taking flexi and going. Connie, don't forget, Ben's allowed to go home if he feels worse."

Connie nodded, but shot Ben a look of venom after Dylan had left. Then her vicious look turned to a honeyed smile. Mr Jordan was walking through the office.

"I just wanted to come and congratulate all of you for your responsible behaviour last night" he told them, "In the past we've had throwing up on the dance floor, fighting… this year, you made me proud to be in charge of you all and that means another party next year." He held up two giant boxes of mixed sweets.

"Thank you, all."

He beamed round, then said anxiously:

"Ben, isn't it? You look really ill. Why on earth haven't you asked to go home?"

"I-I'm fine…"

"Don't be silly, you're not fine at all. I hope you've not been scared to ask to leave early, or at least to go and lie down for a while. Not to worry, I'll drive you home now."

Connie resolved to make the coming year Ben's worst ever. Then she cried out.

Ben had collapsed; the pain had been too much for him.

It was an ambulance that drove him from work, and not back to his home.

He awoke three days later minus his appendix and attached to a drip in a hospital bed. For Ben, Christmas was well and truly over.

(


	7. Chapter 7

Secret World Seven

"Ah, Ben, you're back with us!"

A kind-looking lady in her early fifties smiled at him.

"I'm Nurse Duffin. You can call me Duffy, everybody else does. You had us all scared for a while, you know; you could have died if that appendix had burst."

Ben wanted to say grumpily that he didn't care, but he smiled as best he could.

"Thanks for saving me."

"You're welcome. Now you'll not be up to eating for a couple of days but as soon as you feel you can we'll make sure you'll get your Christmas dinner after all."

Ben couldn't help shuddering.

"Oh, please, not yet!"

Duffy laughed.

"What day is it?" Ben asked.

"It's the twenty eighth."

Oh, no. He'd let down his family. He'd wanted to be his brother's party, as he had a present for his nephew and niece.

"You really have been out of things."

"Ricey! Ricey!"

Ben's eyes lit up. Ralph had come to see him with Paul and Caitlin.

"Now don't you two dare sit on Uncle Ben's bed."

"Ah" Duffy chuckled as she understood, "You call him Ricey because he's your Uncle Ben. I'll get some chairs so Sir and Madam can sit down and help Ben catch up."

"Ricey, Dad said you've been at death's door! Have you?"

Ben nodded, and asked if anybody had a pencil and a bit of paper. Duffy obliged. Ben drew a sketch of himself trying to scurry away from a door which was half-open. The Grim Reaper was beckoning him inside.

"Awesome!" Paul slipped the drawing into his pocket.

"It's mine too!" Caitlin protested.

"Do you still have that spare key of mine?" Ben asked Ralph.

"I certainly do."

"Good, because there's something for these two in the cupboard near the stairs."

"Did you get us the new Minions Trilogy, Ricey?" Caitlin asked.

"Caitlin! What have I told you about being cheeky?"

"No Minions" Ben replied with a straight face, "I got you a three hour Japanese film instead."

"You didn't! Dad, Ricey's got us Minions!" Cheered Paul, who knew his Uncle too well.

"Don't you three have a party to go to?" Ben asked. He knew the kids had been looking forward to the party night. So had he, in fact it was probably the only thing he had been looking forward to this Christmas.

"Couldn't let my brother be alone when we're all partying, could I?" Ralph shrugged.

"Don't be daft! You go and have your party, you can have another one for me when I come out."

"Thanks, Ben. You take care and do what they tell you. Come on, kids."

"Love you, Ricey!"

"Minions! Yayyyy!"

And Ben was alone again. Ah well, he was tired anyway.

Suddenly he was wide-awake. Dylan was walking towards him.

"Ricey. What kind of a name is that?"

Ben gave a little shrug.

"Maybe the right kind of name for a moron like me."

"Oh for goodness sake. You're going to bitch at me until I tell you exactly what I said in that conversation you were unlucky enough to overhear, aren't you?"

Ben pouted.

"I was saying to Connie, your ex-line manager, that it might look as if you're not big on brains but you could surprise us all yet. And that even if you weren't big on brains it wouldn't matter a stuff because you have such a huge heart."

"Look where it gets me."

"Don't knock it. Look at those two kids, it's obvious they adore you. How many other kids would be so cheerful if they had to do a hospital visit before a party? Look at those drawings you did for everybody, for free. People like you, Ben, and that's what got up Madam's nose. You did get the bit about her being your ex-line manager, I hope."

"So she's being transferred?"

"More than transferred. A few people spoke up and Jordan's sacked her for workplace bullying. You could have died of bloody peritonitis if you'd stayed any longer in that office. You could actually sue the panties off her if you felt that way out. And I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you more."

"She's hard to stand up to."

Thanks for understanding, Ben. But I'm afraid she's not the only one who's fired."

"Oh? Who else?"

"You."

"That's not a good thing to say to somebody with stitches in their gut."

"Don't try to make me feel any worse, Benjamin."

"Then please don't joke about my job."

"I'm deadly serious. Ben, you're not happy doing spreadsheets and making drinks all day, surely? You need to work with something that makes you happy. Which is why I took down that drawing you did from the notice board and sent it to my mate. He's the head of a company that publishes graphic novels. He wants you on board. Interview would be just a formality."

Ben's eyes widened, Dylan had his full attention now.

"Really?"

"He'll be coming in to see you when you're feeling better. But there's another reason that I'm firing you."

"Surprise me."

"Do you ever notice how Zoe and Max's little squabbles are affecting the workplace? One minute they're Romeo and Juliet. Next thing, they're Harry Potter and Lord What's his face. Deadly enemies. It's a pain in the butt so I'm definitely going to do my best to discourage workplace romances from now on."

"Okay…"

"So, Ben, when you're completely recovered, you and I are going to go for dinner. On a date."

"You and – seriously?"

"Oh don't tell me my Gaydar's failed on me. Ben, enough of pussyfooting. Will you go on a date with me?"

Ben's heart monitor started bleeping, which had Duffy running over. Dylan tried to look ashamed and failed.

"Sir, it might be best if you leave now" Duffy began, then saw the expressions on Ben's and Dylan's faces.

"Well, just try not to over-excite him again" she said weakly, and walked down the ward with a huge grin on her face.

"Oh, I forgot" Dylan said cheerfully, "Robyn had another of her collections. We planned to get you fruit at first then Alicia had a better idea. She thought you'd prefer these."

He held out a package towards Ben, who sat up to open it and groaned.

"Oh come here, Malingerer. I'll do it."

He unwrapped Bens' gift; a set of good quality pencils and a sharpener.

"Those" Ben said, "Are perfect."

"So are you, Ricey, so are you."

And, ignoring the rest of the ward, he bent down gently and kissed Ben's nose, then his lips.

Sometimes real life worked out better than dreams.

One final chapter to go.

(


	8. Chapter 8

Secret World Eight

Christmas Eve, two years later

The pain in Ben's heart was almost physical. He knew why Dylan had to leave him, but it still hurt. He sipped moodily at his Cappucino.

Then he heard a boy's voice, one he recognised:

"Mum! It's Ben Chiltern! Can we go and talk to him?"

Her son's request sent genuine terror into Connie's soul. She'd bullied Ben, almost caused his death through her spite – though she hadn't known how dangerously ill he'd been that day – and generally ruined his life. Ben would have a field day wiping the floor with her in front of her son. Kevin loved Ben Chiltern's work and had three of his graphic novels already; they took pride of place in his bedroom.

In the two years since Ben's illness, he'd done well in his new job at Mulvaney Graphics, and at the boss's insistence, had sent some of his drawings to a publisher. With his vivid imagination and his drawing skills, Ben had had four major graphic novels published. Because of the contrast between his wild, gypsy-like curls and his angelic face, not to mention his friendly personality, Ben had become a favourite on chat shows. Soon he and Dylan had shared a luxury flat and Ben had become a regular guest at fantasy conventions. While Ben had become a celebrity, Connie's world had gone downhill. She'd had plenty to live on for the first year and a half, but was constantly receiving letters that said "We regret you have not been successful in this instance" after every interview she'd attended. The workplace bullying incident scored against her every time. It was only the love and support of Kevin, her son, that kept her going. He'd been philosophical about her not being able to find work, blaming it on the demand for jobs – they liked to keep the youngsters well informed at Kevin's school – and had been careful not to ask for anything costly for Christmas. Even a trip to this upmarket coffee shop was a special treat for them both.

And now a chat with Ben Chiltern could ruin all that. Connie could imagine Kevin's smile fading to a look of disgust as Ben trashed her.

"I think he might want leaving alone, Kevin…" she began.

But Ben had already heard somebody asking after him and was turning round, smiling.

"Hi, did you want to talk to me? Oh… Mrs Beauchamp, I mean, Connie… how are you?"

Ben patted the two empty chairs next to him and Kevin ran over happily.

"Kevin, we don't run in shops, do we?" Connie wasn't going to let Kevin forget his manners.

"Sorry, Mum."

"I-I'm fine, Ben." Was he softening her up for the moment when he destroyed everything for her?

"You used to work for my Mum didn't you?" Kevin asked, "You were nice when I came into the office to ask stuff."

"I did use to work for her, yes. Would you like those drinks refilling while we talk?"

Both Kevin and Connie were hesitant here. Kevin knew not to look greedy and Connie wondered if this meant it would be a long, painful session. But Ben was already shouting "Miss?" politely to a waitress.

"What was Mum like to work for?"

Ben smiled. Here it comes, thought Connie.

"Oh, she was strict, she kept everybody on their toes. But she was really good at her job."

Ben took the ever-sharpened pencil from his briefcase and drew a cartoon of Connie as a severe ballet mistress making them all dance on their toes, even the Handsome Brothers. He signed it and passed it to Kevin, who beamed, and put it in his satchel.

"Wow!"

"I've got another Christmas treat for you, Kevin, well, maybe two."

Ben pulled a folder out of his briefcase.

"These are drawings from the new story I'm planning, because I know I can trust you. But you mustn't show them to anybody else, okay, or you could spoil things."

Kevin put the folder almost reverently into his satchel. Connie, realising that Ben was indeed a gentleman and wasn't going to 'grass her up', was on the verge of tears of remorse. But there was more to come.

"Kevin, do you like cake? Would you go to the counter and choose a cake for each of us?" Ben passed Kevin a ten-pound note, having seen the price of cakes in the café.

"Wow! Um… thank you! What kind would you like?"

"Oooh… surprise me" Ben smiled.

Kevin hurried off on his mission. Ben had already made sure the boy was within their sight all the time.

"Are you working, Connie?" Ben asked as quietly as possible.

"No" she replied a little tersely.

Ben passed her a card.

"My editor. He has an office here in Holby and wants somebody who's good at clerical work. I drop in now and then but I'd not be breathing down your neck all day. Call him after the holiday and arrange an interview. He'll know I've sent you because not many people know this number. Let's just say the interview's a formality… the job will be yours if you want it; I'll text him tonight."

Connie struggled with her pride, until Ben slanted his eyes over to where Kevin was walking back proudly with a waitress, and mouthed at his former tormentor:

"Do it for him."

Then the tears did threaten to come for real.

"Dylan was right, Ben, you do have a huge heart."

"Aww, schmaltz" teased Ben. Then he pretended to look greedily at the cakes:

"Which one's mine?"

Kevin almost floated out of the café with his mum. All those Ben Chiltern secret souvenirs and… his mum was going to work for him! Christmas was going to be a top one, even if there weren't any more presents this time. His mum had said that Ben was one in a million, and he agreed.

Playing Father Christmas for a while had helped lessen Ben's heartache, but as he sipped his drink he felt alone again. Suddenly his world went dark, as a pair of hands were placed over his eyes.

"Guess who?"

"Dylan? But you were…"

"I was in the North, yes, and I did intend to stay with my wretched father over Christmas to keep the peace. But he wouldn't even let me talk about you, Ben, when I started to tell him about our relationship, he called us some obscene things and told me to get the hell out. I've left him to stew in his own juice, if he's alone at Christmas it's not our fault. You were willing to be without me over the holiday season so he and I could build bridges, but he's proved he's not worth it. I got the first train I could back, and… you'd just better have something decent to eat in the flat because I'll be wanting my Christmas lunch as normal."

"We'll have to go to the pub for it."

"They charge an arm and a leg on Christmas Day. Get off that beautiful butt of yours, we're going to raid Sainsrose!"

"You'll never guess who I've just given a job to!"

Ben told him and Dylan looked shocked.

"Benjamin, no! She nearly…"

"I know what she did. But she's changed, Dylan, and her kid's a delight. Besides…"

Ben gave a wicked little chuckle.

"…Young Kevin Beauchamp is going to be running round telling everybody he knows that his mum's going to work for Ben Chiltern!"

Dylan got the irony of the situation and gave one of his rare laughs.

They walked out of the café together, the whole of a joyful Christmas season and the future beyond spread before them.

THE END

(


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